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Four Fifteen pm
Today at exactly 4:15 pm I turn 40. It comes with a mixed bag of emotions. I don’t feel like I’m 40. Of course since I’ve never been 40, I wouldn’t know what it would feel it. I guess I always thought I would feel older.. I don’t. Hopefully I’m a little smarter then I was 20 years ago.. hell I hope I’m smarter then I was last year.

Turning 40 also means that Hayley will be turning 17 and that is a much harder pill to swallow. She’ll be leaving in a year to go to Boston and I will be left on my own. Truth be told I’ve been sort of dreading it. Unsure how I will occupy my time. The loss of not being needed. Not really have my day planned out and scheduled according to what she needs done, of course I’m already feeling that now and have been. It’s been taking some time to get used to. Lately however it’s changing.. this feeling of loss and emptiness. It’s slowly being replaced by new ideas of what I can do with all that time and it doesn’t seem quite as overwhelming. I actually look forward to when she will be down in Boston and I can go visit her. She’s such a beautiful young woman and she is with out a doubt the best thing I have accomplished with me life and can’t imagine my world with out her her laughter, her beauty and her compassion.

I’ve been blessed with so many people who have been such an important part of my life such as my sister Kelly and friend Nadia who have listened to me laugh and cry and who have never once judged me and for that I’m am eternally and utterly grateful. I know I can go to them with anything and they will give sound advise if need be or just listen to me andlet me ramble on.

I always thought when I was younger and up till a few years ago that turning 40 would mean the end of many things.. I now know that it really is only the beginning.

Happy Birthday to me.. I really am so very lucky even if I sometimes forget that.




  1. I hope this year brings you a bounty of peace, happiness and things to anticipate!

  2. Happy Birthday Laurie. By Gods grace may your life be filled with lots of happiness, prosperity, joy, and peace 🙂

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